run away from hell

你知道吗？ 那是没有尽头的。

很多时候都想要跑，无止境地跑。

可是，没有大草原给我装模作样地跑。

只能借助短短的35分钟给自己脑袋思绪的宁静。

小时候，总是在伤心的时候被逼灌下一杯泪水，一杯又一杯。

并且在喝下的同时被告知不允许表现悲伤。

直到现在也是一样。直到遇到悲伤总是转身，落荒而逃。

最后剩下的，只有自己的懦弱。


好想跑。

逃离这里。

just believe in your own voice

i do hate those song that could easily touch the deep of the heart...
and the damn tears came out easily...like the water tap...
sudden all of the strong feelings pour out
and could not regain

it's like a spirit and power
it's so amazing!

"please dont defeated,please dont cry.
in the time that seems to be disappear
you should believe in your own voice
in these ages
you could not run away from sorrow
but show your smile and keep on living in the present
keep on living in the present

dear, you who reading this letter
wish you happiness"

给CYH

我不知道你是否有会看得到。。

从来都没有想到你会这样对我说。

从来都没有想过你会这样残忍地要我做出抉择。

你是否有你想象中那样了解我？

不，你没有。你把我丢入一个深邃的洞穴中。

要我独自爬上去。

我不想争论，我不想解释，我不想吵架。

我不想要再经历这些烦恼的琐事。

如果，调换角色，你觉得我会这样对待你吗？

朋友，请不要对我那么残忍。

突然间，我想散步了。

just need to talk

今夜将难以入眠。不是因为兴奋。而是痛苦。

有种很累也很想哭的感觉。

明明刚刚才看完PHUA CHU KANG来

应该是很兴奋的

其实不是，

头脑的思考很多，却无从说出

我想试着倾诉

但是却害怕另一些人陷入和我一样的感觉

试着去装作没有关系

其实心里不好受

而能形容这一切的

只有一个字----干！

朋友，在我心里占据一个最大的位置

跌倒了，伤得也特别地痛。

对于难以做出的解释

或者是不能解释的问题

心情是特别沉重的

我尝试去修补那残缺的一块

但，我发觉破碎的 还有我的心脏

是上天在跟我开玩笑吗？还是它不再眷恋我了？

惟有苦笑回应上天，真的有那么难吗？

我尝试闭上眼睛不去思考，可是世界好像不让我休息。

我向上天祈祷，给我一条明路，做最大功率的任务。

My DREAMS MY JOURNEY

这些是我的梦想。

请叫我旅人。

梦想一号--------水城威尼斯！

人说“女人是水做的”

那威尼斯肯定魅力十足的女神！

用水筑成的浪漫。

威尼斯，全世界唯一没有汽车通行的城市。

威尼斯，她的美，我的梦。

梦想二号------MALDIVES!!

阳光，沙滩，海水，夕阳。

上帝之手果然名不虚传！

奔向大海的心永远不会停歇。

她一切的一切都是我去造访的理由。

梦想三号-------PARIS PARIS PARIS!!!

EIFFEL TOWER

THE MUSEUM

THE SCENE

THE BUILDING

THE CAFE

THE LUXURIOUS SHOPPING MALL

梦想四号----------希腊

my dreams my journey

我要大步进行我每一个梦想。

看着吧！

the one who will met in the future

after reading Liko's new blog post

something poop out my mind

"have you ever met someone you love so much?"

have you??

havent? had? or missed the chance to tell them?

the answer appear in my brain

that told me LEE PEI SAN you havent meeting one until now..

yeah...havent...

and yes i do want to met one...

Do you believe in fate?

that you're searching for the whole life

and finally you met him/her..

no matter how long it took..

it's worth to wait

she/he sure will come in some day

Do you believe in fate? Yes i do..

To the guy that stand beside in the future wedding

we might dont know each other yet

but i believe that all the things i met are prepare for you

and i want to thank you for loving me in the future

i strongly believe that we will meet each other in the future

and we will be happy in the end...

Do you believe in fate?

HZW

To DEAR HZW

we know each other had already 6years

u know me well

so i think you should know what thing i most hate...

SECRETS! and BETRAY!

I dont care it's good for me or not

I dont care what i had done before

BUT I JUST CANNOT ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAD DONE!

you had already lost my trust

and now

you going to lost my respect also

i know you're reading this

i know what i am doing!

i know what i want!

dont jugde if you dont know anything

you use that kind of trick to pull me back

yeah...you done it...

but the way you did it...was same as the bitch who done it before

you win...

i've been grounded...scolded..

i lost my freedom...yeah...

you know what? maybe you're right...

something had changed...but dont you realize?

you also the person who had changed...

you just a same with that bitch...

this feeling name disappointed

please...get out of my eyes from now...

you dont believe me

you lied to me

you betray me

and now i have no freedom at all

dont ask K for anything from me

dont pretend like you're right

we are done here...

fuck

Great day

It's 20/8/2010..my 18th birthday celebration...

It was such a great day for me....

the thing that i can only say is "Oh my god!! thanks alot alot alot and alot!!!"

i very appreciate about every things and everyone...

i wont forget this party ever!

yeah~^^

my dear makeup professional

thanks!

muackzzzz

lol....i do like this photo~

btw...really really really thanks to henry chua

the professional hair stylist and event planner and dress buyer and nubra buyer and the sherpherdoo restaurant and all those encouragement and throwing me into the water and the accompanies for the jogging and everything!!

Thanks for all of these..

thanks for the wonderful party and trip

thanks to everyone...again...

i had a great time...

love you all

XOXO

what a day again

today is such a long day...
and i went home at last...

"so sorry you have to go through this" elaine told me
thanks for your encouragement i think..

well...about delia missing thing...
it was such a awful hours...
because it remind me that time you were gone
you gone...disappear for one month
but apparently i was the only one who dont know where you've been
it make me kinda disappointed
and luckily she's back after 4hours ganjiong-ment
and safely....thank god

today was such a awful day...
well a small part was the math paper and delia missing..
but most of the part were about me
i given a plane (sorry!!!) and i skipped my piano class
i being such a bitch today
i had a talk with someone who was tracking me all the times since i've lie to him
a arguement is more suitable
i cried not because of i felt guilty of what i had done
i cried because of the changing between us....all of us...

and then i skipped my piano class
walking alone at the park...my park...
then the color of the sky scared me...
then it started rain...yea....i walking in the rain...
it feel familiar...it was months ago i walk in the rain...
i feel so stress and so upset about what he had said...
and im so tired...

all in instant everything changed,
we leave the pass behind and speed to the unknown world
to our future
we set up to far out places and try to find ourselves
or try to lost ourselves

The problems start when we refuse to let change happen
And cleans the old habbits
But if we hold on the pass too tight
The future may never come

feel

我都忘了自己要说什么了。

此时此刻的我心情很复杂。

生气吗？不是啦。

不爽吗？不完全是。

不安吗？一点点吧。


这些日子里还好有过量的运动导致的疲惫

让我的脑袋停止思考那些有的没的

还好有这些该死的疲惫使我能一觉睡天亮

我该感恩的对吧？


只是此时此刻身体的酸疼提醒了我

那念头把握瞬间炸醒了





我想散步了。

that day

还记得吗？那天所看见暗红色的天空。

在微风中订下来的约定

让世界渐渐靠近



强颜欢笑的背后

藏着延长的投影



我假装忽略

然后选择再生





桌上不再震动的手机

我一直在等待



无论白天还是夜晚，还是不会在到来的黎明





这一切我都懂





那天所看见暗红色的天空。

总有一天会想起



怀抱着没能实现的约定，

我继续前进。

what a day~

我当然知道我自己在做什么。
我也很清楚地知道我要的是什么。

也许我变了，我自己也不知道。
时间悄悄带走以前的我。
但，某个部分，我还是我。

对于改变，我没有不喜欢。
我知道我在某方面能变得更好。
我会做到更好。
我知道在远方的他一定是那么想的。
我还是我。一直以来都是。
我没有忘记从前。
我想活好现在。
我更想活好未来。
但，我不会让自己留下遗憾。
这是我。
你认识的我。

你懂的，我执着的是什么。
你一定懂的。

我会改进我该改进的。
我会努力活出未来。
我答应你。

但，我会更努力活好当下。
我不会放弃任何东西。
你看着吧！

他妈的

注：这是一篇发泄文。


他妈的他妈的他妈的他妈的他妈的他妈的他妈的

你是长辈所以我尊敬你。

但是不代表你可以过分！


foong poh yin从新加坡回来。

好。我很乐意空出我的房间给darren.

然后留你家2间空的房间！

再来，你要我去飞机场载她。

你是有问题是吗？

你叫我去载她，然后留你儿子的新cambry在家。

你说“cambry比较危险！！！”

他妈的！要一个完全不懂路的人去载危险还是cambry危险？！

很好，最后有人陪我去。

再来，一餐晚餐。原本没有叫上“你们”。

给你面子叫你去。你就叫了整村的人去！

阿猪阿狗阿猫全部叫叫来。

结果迟到1个小时！！！然后还脸臭臭！！

干！

不用紧！

今天明明是你自己讲载foong poh yin去Sunway的。

结果还他妈的临时晚上改人载！！

他妈的他妈的他妈的。

还有！你儿子结婚就结婚啦！

是干我屁事啊？！

表你个头演！跳你个头舞！唱你个头歌！！！！！

神经病！！

现在人回去了，就拿东西来吵咯。

“阿nong啊，你哪里可以酱没有礼貌的？吃个饭还脸臭臭？！”妈的，是你脸臭还是我脸臭？！我还跟你的孙玩到几开心？！　

“你哪里可以酱自私的？！　叫你载一下也不能？”妈的，明明就是你讲到很大声自己载，结果他妈的在家里摇脚！！是谁比较自私？！



现在你有脾气我是不能有脾气是吗？

明明就很不开心难道要在你面前强颜欢笑吗？


你是长辈所以我尊敬你，我没有顶嘴，我静静。

但是并不代表你可以越来越过分。

不代表你可以当着大庭广众这样数落我。


还有你！我知道你有在看！

失恋就失恋！

搞到全世界要跟你一起失恋一样！

你看看你现在什么样子！妈的！

我认识你4年！你从来都不这种样子！！

我才不管我又没有试过失恋！但是你他妈的就是惹到我了！

半夜三更打来讲一大堆有的没的！最后还自己睡着！！

干！！


一个失恋，一个恋爱！

“好久不见哦！”鬼才要跟你见！

老朋友叙旧还带男朋友~烂！

“我的男朋友啊。。。这样这样这样这样。。。”

“呃~你没有男朋友吗？都几岁了？”

妈的！最近是神经病医院放人是吗？一大堆神经病的人！

你有没有男朋友是关我的事是吗？我才不管你性生活满不满足！

然后不要扯到我的头上！！ｓｈｉｔ


该死的人类！

该死的恐惧感！

该死的考试！

该死的历史！

该死！！！！！

second thoughts

i knew in my heart deeply
this time is not same as before
the pain and the fearness punched through my chest
it cause a deep hole
how much time you need to recover??
i ask myself...
then i realize i couldt get the answer.
i'm sorry
this is the only thing i can say

god hell
again it's a difficult time for me

sometimes even we sure that we will earn the happy ending
but it doesnt come always
second thoughts came out
secret missions sneak out
there's not certain thing in this city
the dark can push you forward to the dark future
or might pull you into a mysterious pass

with enough time eventually,we see what was right in front of us
and realize no matter how long it took
and it's worth to be waiting for
but...
there's for some
the time will never come
the thing that we left
was tears and lonely...

SOS...help

god damn hell it freaks me out...
i dont know who is going to read this...
but im totally freak out to having all of these..
im scared...
once more i cried...
crying hell is totally not a good idea...
i thought i cut just put these away but i could't
i wake up by the nightmares..
and the feel was awful
im scared...

i need someone be with me...

but it's already 1.20am and it's saturday night..
i'm alone with those freaking thoughts
and afraidness....tears of coz....

i need someone...anyone....
i need help...i need talk....
i need get away from these..

i was wondering to kill myself...

greyish?

it's nearly 2am now...
and i am so enough with chinese now...

again
i was wondering about life and reality..
is that both the same?
again....i dont know the answer...
but i know life is part of reality and reality is a perspective of one's view
well...maybe in someway the reality makes your life become misareble
and the things does'nt go your way..

how could the world change to the way it was when so many things had happen??
does the end will be good?
yes i definely hopoe so!

it's about look further or turning back...

those were the great songs or stories that stayed with you that meant something
even we are too ordinary to understand why
those folks in the stories had alot of chances for turning back or just stay still
but they did't
they were holding on something
something in this world that worth to fighting for

you know what?
sometimes i'd feel envy to you
why??
your dreams are clear
and there's easy to reach it
as you just move your ass..
or maybe i still dont understand what makes you still standing there...


life is ain't all about dream there in the states

i know there's alot of greyish black times...

i hope you can just move on
and be what you want to be
and do what you want to do
just a little bit more...................


it's 2.04am and im so tired!!
what the helllllll

thoughts

it was the evening and again i spend like one hour with myself.
it's enough for me i think.
It’s a park that have many stories coming up everyday
and today i played with 2 kids.talking kids stuff.playing kids stuff.
then...at last..
i stood there, watching
and i realized something that i had already forgotten for a long time..
some thoughts came up suddenly.
and it really touched me.


Sometimes in life
there’s really are bonds that can never be broken
Sometimes
you really can find that one person who will stand by your side no matter what
the person might not your beloved
but he/she is more than that
Maybe you found it in the childhood or you just found it
and then celebrated with your dream wedding
But there’s also a chance that the one person you can count on for a life time,
The One person who know you sometimes better than you know yourself
Is the same person who will standing beside you all along

特别给你，你，你还有你。

与自己挣扎了3秒。

决定。

有些事，不需要解释。

明白的人，总会明白。

了解的人，应该懂我。


我在做什么，我自己知道。

也没有必要跟你，你，你，还有你解释。

真的，这让我很火大。


不希望任何人看见，听见 我狼狈的时候。

也许那是我的懦弱。

不想听解释的话随便你们。

不想接电话随便你们。

不回简讯随便你们。

要怎么想随便你们。

要耍小气随便你们。

要装高尚随便你们。


不明白，不想听解释的话就静静！

不要干在那儿讲鸟话！做鸟事！

对~我火大了。



可不可以不要每个都一样？

我说我这样做有我自己的理由。

不明白的人我不奢求你懂。

但至少给我解释的空间。

不要净在那里讲我颓废！

不要一昧的不爽！


神经病！

p.s 我一直以为你是明白的人。